No job, no home... what next?

Yep, you read right.  Shane was sacked on Wednesday.  Out of the blue.  No warnings.  Apparently, when you have been employed for less than 6 months they can do that.  Shane was here for five months two weeks.  Nice, hey?

So, three weeks or so before Christmas we have no income.  Someone said "at least you got your xmas shopping done early", and yes that had passed through my mind.  At least hey.  In fact, I got much of Toby's done three years ago because many of his pressies are what I had bought for Ciaran's first Christmas.  Ouch.  But they are right.  At least I'm not having to face a present-less Christmas for my boy's first.  And you can pretty much fake joy for an eight month old, right?

But add to that the fact that we live in employer provided housing, so we also now have nowhere to live.  The arsehole boss didn't give details at the time, though I'm sure that was partly due to Shane going off his nut then getting in his vehicle and donutting away.  Which I can hardly blame him, although I don't handle things with his temper.  The boss waited twenty four hours to ring and tell us that they're not expecting us to be out straight away (gee thanks) and that we can take a month, and if we need longer then "it can be discussed".  Mind you, he is an arsehole, so just because he's saying we can discuss it, doesn't mean much at all other than he knows he holds control, which he enjoys. 

Kudos to him for being such a "nice" man though, as in that first twenty four hours I discovered that they are only legally required to give us a week.  How nice is that?

So, tell me... how do you find somewhere to live, in the weeks before Christmas, when you have a team of 20 working dogs (so we need a rural rental), and no income?  Rural rentals are like hen's teeth anyway, let alone one that will take animals, let alone those numbers (and we can't offload them without losing thousands of dollars and then having to fork out thousands more to replace them so that Shane can get a job again), let alone jobless.  Once more I will have to delve into the only money I have left and use it to pay a year's rent or something up front.  And then of course, there is the cost of moving, and then if we go into a rental, also the cost of moving again when (if) Shane gets a job.

My mother snapped at me because I was apparently getting grumpy - well, I said I would "make a run for it with Toby to get to the house in the rain"... obviously not meaning I would sprint down the grassy slope to the house, but rather that we would just duck our heads and head for the house... she told me not to be stupid running with him I would slip over etc so apparently i snapped at her, so she snapped at me for getting grumpy and said there's no need and "everyone has their problems".

So, yes they do.  Completely.  Big ones.  And as I reminded Shane yesterday, things could certainly be worse.  I can tell you it felt pretty heartless to be told that though, because as we know, when shit is happening in your own life it can still be pretty tough regardless of what others might be going through or what you know. 

Thus for now, I'm sorry that I am completely self absorbed.  Shane is bottoming out.  He spent yesterday pretty much sitting on the couch.  This morning I started a screaming match as he was still in bed at 7.45 and obviously not in a hurry to get up, but the thing is I struggle to keep Toby in routine on weekends when he's home, so I really need him to allow me to keep him in routine during the week at least.  And Toby won't go to sleep with daddy in there as he's the good time daddy and Toby just wants to play then, but obviously is also fractiously tired.  Oh, and Toby has gone off his breastfeeds so much, that even when he wants one he won't take it if there are any distractions whatsoever which is another reason I needed Shane out and a quiet bedroom with no movement, to at least get Toby to have a small drink.  The only full breastfeed he has these days is the midnight one, in the dark, while he's virtually still asleep.  I don't overly know what to do about this, but need Shane to at least work with me in parenting.

:::

But that comment "everyone has their problems" has really gotten under my skin, in that it's all I keep saying to myself now and I can tell you it's not helpful, because all it's doing is making me feel bad for feeling worried, anxious, stressed.  Our mate and daughter, lost his wife and her mother last week in an accident.  They are looking at a sad Christmas.  We have already buried one child.  Another friend who has a terminal illness got a bad medical report yesterday to say that things are getting a lot worse and ... well, we won't go into the "and", but now she has to tell her son that dying is not so far away.  And this morning another friend, who was complaining about her ex yesterday, saying that he was "having" her kids for xmas in another state, but shipping them to his parent's as he and his new partner would have a newborn baby in the house... well, the bub was born yesterday by emergency c-section but the mum didn't make it and died from complications. 

So I'm really trying to feel that our situation is not so bad.  I'm really trying to just push on, sort things out, and get something organised, somehow.  But in truth I don't know what to do.