OK hands up then...

... if you are thankful that you are not one of those women who have bad things happen like babies and children dying?  Come on... I mean, I know that most of the audience are from the unfortunate baby lost community, but seriously I know you are out there. 

It seems that these people are everywhere in my life right now.  I'm sick of them.  They're driving me nuts.  Normally I can kind of gloss over them, and not let it get to me, but apparently I have an overload of them and it's eating my insides at the moment.

One discussion I've been privy to today is on the use of cot bumpers, which of course SIDS recommends against the use of.  One of the women has a baby who has just reached the head banging stage.  Toby went through it.  I was advised he'd "grow out of it" and that they "seldom do any real harm to themselves", but yes he occasionally had a bit of a bump, and often had a red spot on his forehead.  But this woman is adamant that her child gave herself concussion (but no, she didn't take her to the hospital), and feels the need to put bumpers in the cot.  Several people have pointed out the SIDS recommendations, but she has an answer for it all.  One or two people have admitted to putting bumpers in themselves, and duck their head as they answer.  They at least are acknowledging that they have put a risk there for their child.

But what is coming through loud and strong to me is that this woman in particular thinks that she is one of the "lucky" ones.  The ones who feel sorry for you, but thankfully it will never happen to them.  It makes my blood boil on so many levels. 

I don't want to be felt sorry for.  Not as such.  Or feel sorry if you must, but do not pity me.  Especially when it is tinged with a dose of "it won't happen to me".

:::

I think we all start out like that.  It comes along attached to "innocence".  Thankfully, we all have that in the beginning.  And maybe it's hard to not be smug about it.  I don't know, I can't really remember what I was like before.  I do remember hearing about a school friend's baby boy being born sleeping at 5 months.  Back then it would have been more about her baby being stillborn.  Meaning that it was just something unpersonal and unfortunate that happened to someone we knew in a past life.  Poor girl.  I mean, can you imagine that happening?  Whereas in reality I had never been pregnant.  I had certainly never miscarried let alone organised a funeral for my beautiful baby.  So I had no comprehension.  How could I?

And I know that that's where the majority of people lie.  In that pond of total innocence.

But seriously... my baby did not die of SIDS so I am not just being super sensitive when I remind you of the guidelines.  My baby was not stillborn, so you don't need to assume anything there either.  In fact, what happened to my baby is totally irrelevent to how you think or feel in your innocence.  The truth is it could happen to you.  The truth is that it will happen to some of you out there.  The other truth is that some, maybe even "many", of you will have to organise your child's funeral, and no matter when it happens you will consider it unfair and untimely.  And maybe then you will think of us, in this boat so early on.

Oh, yes I sound bitter don't I?  And yes, you don't need to smile and nod knowingly about what an overprotective parent I am.  Don't worry, I don't do everything by the book either.  But the risks I take I take with a cold fist around my heart, knowing I can't have him completely wrapped in cotton wool, but well aware of what the consequences might be and what guilt I might have to live with for the rest of my life.

Smell the roses people.  You can never replace what you have now.