The other day I was outside a room when my parents were talking to a man about business, and as I came back in and heard pieces of the conversation I gathered my father was telling him that Toby was special and the sadness we had been through. I didn't hear the words exactly... It was only the end. The man said along the lines that we had certainly had our (meaning my family) fair share of stress and sadness in recent years.
Yes, my father sadly agreed. We have.
Ah but you get over it.
He said.
My mother corrected him and said "no. You don't". Bless her. And then both men agreed.
It was just one of those things said, you know? I know dad didn't mean it. It was an automatic response. Like saying "good thanks" to the question of how you are.
:::
Yesterday I was with my dad and a young lady came to help him with some things, and he introduced us. He introduced Toby.
"And this is Toby. Her beautiful little miracle".
The girl looked at me and smiled. And I smiled. And looked at Toby.
And then dad added "he's IVF" proudly. Like by way of explanation.
It didnt bother me, really, but I couldn't help but note it.
Because it kind of felt like advertising my (secondary) infertility.
It kind of felt like a public announcement of at least a small part of my failure.
Airing a bit of dirty linen, so to speak. Or a pair of stained underpants.
But also there's a bit of a feeling of.... Scoffing. From me. Because, come oooonn dad! IVF is soooo common place nowadays!! Every second child is made in a test tube. Aren't they? It's not the 80's anymore.
And none of us are innocent. Not anymore.
Ouch. I admit..to hear, "But you get over it," would have stung. Well-meant, and I'm sure as he proudly beams over Toby as he introduces you, certainly not meant to cause you any more pain...but still. It stung me for you as I read it.
ReplyDeleteI think our parents, even though IVF is so common to US, still find it some crazy, crazy science and when it 'works', the feel sort of smug in the, "Yeah, aren't we cool....we rocked that IVF thing." way...like they realize it's some heavy duty science and that they are proud to be part of the club for whom it worked. (Even if vicariously through our wombs, right?) MIL helped loan us some $ so we didn't clean our savings out, and when I called to tell her something about this baby, she said, "Well, I can't help you there...I've already done my part." Meaning she takes full credit for her monetary (even paid back!) part.
Ok. If it makes her feel included.
But really. It's still my deal. We'd have done it without her. And still, the grave should this one end up needing it (or Matthew's or Luke's should God forbid something happen to him) will be mine...no one ever volunteers to share in that, do they?
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
And small miracles...but I could actually READ your security words!! Hooray!