.... Exclusive clubs and societies, I've decided. I was thinking that it applies to the "now" but when I look back, it always has been. It's just that those exclusive clubs weren't quite so exclusive.
I mean.... For a long time I was out of the "marriage" club. Everyone else had a husband or partner to take along to events, but I was the third wheel. Or if I asked someone to do something with me, they always had to refer to their husband before committing. It used to drive me round the twist but it was also a not so subtle reminder that I didn't have anyone who cared if I was hanging out with them.
But move on through all those clubs and into our current statuses. There's of course the 'dead baby' club. Well, if you're reading here, I most likely don't need to explain that one further. But my point being, until you're in the club you have no idea what it's like, or that its forever. None. No matter how much you try, or imagine. You won't get it, and hopefully never will. It's a good thing.
But then there's the 'rainbow baby' club. Not everyone gets granted access. So, again, not everyone gets it. I wish they did. Because its bloody hard work. I think so anyway.
Rainbow babies are splashed across my facebook page these days. Bloggers from "my own time". It's great, because we get each other. We understand that even though a rainbow brings so much healing, we still hurt and miss our babes that aren't with us. And we get that parenting a living child is darn hard work on so many levels. And also that we have an added level that tells us that anything that sounds like we're complaining (lack of sleep, children not eating, husbands not helping - so many things) will be deemed ungrateful.
And now there are more rainbows on their way. So it really reinforces te club - we grieved through the same period, our rainbows were born around the sae period, and now we are tackling a subsequent rainbow pregnancy whilst running after toddlers. Together.
But I'm so conscious of my friends who haven't been able to travel the higher road (yet). Sometimes I hope I've been blocked on fb, rather than cause hurt. I struggle with times where I don't want to post anything online for fear of rubbing noses in it. But still other times that say tat this is my life now. My entitlement to enjoy my son and my pregnancy. And on another level, if I ate a different look at it, my son iS my life. I don't have much more to talk about.
And yes, right now I'm refraining from littering facebook with my toilet training efforts. He is my world.
So there is no escape from clubs.
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